mangos
poetry by
cfanjul
02 July 2002
11 comments
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driving home from the city
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there was an overturned semi on an overpass
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tasha:
What bothers me about this is that you don't seem to care about what happened to the driver. His survival concerns me more than missing the chance to benefit from his misfortune. |
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like you hear about on the radio
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but never really see.
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it was carrying mangoes.
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cascading down a bank and strewn across the highway
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exploded from their boxes
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in heaps of green-red and orange-yellow
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brantley:
You might play with looking for really weird, evocative adjectives that mean "green-red" and "orange-yellow"...er...in heaps of parrot feather and campfire flame...those are bad examples but my brain don't work well right now. |
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that would never make it to the store.
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they looked so helpless.
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i don't know why i didn't stop and pick some up
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laying there like free samples
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or gold bullion
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or a drunken kiss.
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cgroom:
Beautiful ...chuck bangs head against keyboard... |
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mwirth:
??? |
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brantley:
We ought to pool our money and get chuck a helmet. |
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so easy and so good.
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i kept on driving.
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cgroom:
I really like this a lot because it captures a how it feels to pass through one of those moments of potential regret. |
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cgroom:
Thought -- consider expressing this to the present tense. It may be even more powerful to be along in the moment of noticing, especially for the last line. |
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mwirth:
Curious: did this really happen to you? (Either way, it's a great little snippet of life to write about.) |
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gabriel:
Chris, have you heard Harry Chapin's "30,000 Pounds of Bananas"? I'm left thinking, "Yes, we have no mangoes, no mangoes in Scranton, PA..." |
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samira:
Funny, Gabe, becasue that is exactly what I thought about as well.
Chris, I like this because it is straightforward and unmetaphoric until almost the end, which makes the image of the bullion and kiss much more vivid. |
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cfanjul:
yah, this did actually happen... sadly, i haven't written anything purely imaginary in a long time. putting it in the present would take away from the reflective nature, i think. and i've heard *of* the banana song, but the fact of its recording is like learning that those songs on bugs bunny were from *real* operas. as for the final metaphors, i'm glad they worked - i've been trying to figure out how prose poets slip abstractions into every-day life stuff, and not make it too jolting. |
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Content © copyright 2002 by Chris Fanjul. All rights reserved.