Nick isn't here
prose by
cgroom
15 September 2003
6 comments
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12:31 am
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Exhausted, Chuck flops into bed, turns off light.
Cat, detecting opportunity, jumps onto his stomach, demands ear scratchies.
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12:32 am
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Phone rings.
In fit of panic, cat leaps off belly.
Quiet swearing is heard as Chuck fumbles for phone.
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Chuck: Mmm...
hello?
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The sound quality is bad and is periodically broken by cell phone static.
Bar noises can be heard in the background.
The woman on the other end of the line has a voice resembling the screech of a howler monkey.
She speaks with the precision of a tipsy alcoholic intently seeking drunken nirvana.
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Woman: Is NiMickWah there?
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Chuck: Who?
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Woman: MEEEECK!
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Chuck: Huh?
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Woman: Nick!
Is Nick there?
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Chuck: Oh, NICK.
Nick.
No, Nick isn't here.
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Woman: Well, where is he?
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Chuck: (Mutters) What's wrong with these people...
(Full volume) He moved...
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Woman: What?
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Chuck: Nick moved out a few months ago...
several months ago, he...
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Woman: What?
Pauses, sips Whenshegettinghome?
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Chuck: He moved out.
He's not here.
He's not been here for...
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Woman, cutting him off: Lemme speak with him.
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Chuck, painfully enunciating: Nick...
is...
not...
here.
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Woman: I heard Nick is hot.
[1]
Is he hot?
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[ 1 ] cgroom:
I'd guess that she learned this from a bathroom stall. |
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Narrator: Nick is not hot.
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tom:
Who is the narrator? How is it known that Nick is not hot? |
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cgroom:
The narrator is the voice of omniscent Truth. |
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Woman: Tell him to get over here!
He's HOT.
We're partying.
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Chuck, trying again: Nick...
moved...
out.
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Woman: So?
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Chuck: Nick is not here.
His friends aren't here.
Nobody is here.
We're here.
We're not Nick.
We don't know Nick.
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Woman: Tell him to get a few drinks!
He's hot, right?
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Chuck, trying one last time: Uhm, sure.
Bye!
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Woman: Oh, he's not there!
Pouts over phone He's hot.
Hey, you sound hot.
[2]
Are you hot?
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[ 2 ] laura:
Are you sure *she's* not the voice of omniscient Truth, albeit after a few martinis? |
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Chuck: Uhhh...
[3]
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[ 3 ] cgroom:
Yes, but no. |
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Woman: I bet you're hot!
Why don't you come out for a drink?
We're at a baaaar!
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Chuck: Uhhh...
no.
Pause.
For good measure, adds: Nick isn't here.
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Chuck hangs up
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12:36 am
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Phone rings
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Chuck: Yeah.
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Woman: Is Nick there?
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Chuck: Goddammit...
he...
he moved out...
you...
[4]
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[ 4 ] lizzy:
*laughs* "you" what? Do elaborate... ;) |
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Woman: Over-enunciating Oh, I must have gotten the wrong number.
I'm sorry, I do apologize!
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She hangs up
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Content © copyright 2003 by Chuck Groom. All rights reserved.