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tasha:
Quickie/first impressions: I really like the vocal choices you made - I often find myself annoyed by the pauses and monotone that some will often take when reading prose and/or poems aloud, but that didn't happen here. Unfortunately, I found the violins to be a bit monotonous. Maybe you only need to bring down the sound level on them, and then increase it at the moments when you take pauses and the 'musical phrase' (?) changes - I like the choice of using violin, but the repetition grated on me a bit. I'd like the level on the 'aside' slipped into the end to be a little higher, soundwise. Like, only one or two notches - just enough to make it slightly more distinguishable, but still have the separation from the rest of the reading. C'est 'nifty', en general. |
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cgroom:
I'm really impressed. I actually like this better spoken then as prose. The violins work *really* well. I'd suggest either introducting a longer atonal musical introduction before starting the words, or let the music start a good bit into the piece (after the stanza about cosmetics and surgery, where you currently introduce the violin). I love the swelling music; one idea would be to let the music get increasingly more frantic. |
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cgroom:
By the way, where did the music come from? If you're using samples, I'd strongly suggest also borrowing from the Dirty Three and Nick Cave (email me for info, if you like). |
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cgroom:
I almost didn't notice the bit of guitar at the end, and would like to see it get more emphasis. (If you couldn't tell, I really dig this). |
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eppy:
Thanks, Chuck and Tasha! Uh, to address some points: yeah, I realize the guitar got lost, too; I think it needs to come through more, or maybe with an added part (maybe that would help break the monotony). It's all live--as Scott knows, I'm a violinist from way back, heh. But I am a very big fan of Nick Cave and especially Dirty 3, who I absolutely love. I maybe was going for a bit of that vibe. (I was also working on another song, a murder ballad about Andrea Yates, which I could post sometime.) The Dirty 3 brings a point to mind: I actually just bought a set of drums. Would a little dirty 3-ish randomdrumming work? I'm a little leery of it getting more frantic, given the more morose trailoff at the end. Was there a section you were thinking of for it to get frantic? Should there be any effects on the voice, or is it good flat? As to arrangement: would the voice go on alone for a bit, or would there still be guitar (/organ?) under it? Maybe I'll whip together something atonal in a wave editor. That could be fun. Were you thinking like the big crashing intro to "Curse of Milhaven"? Oh dear, there was one other thing...oh yeah, the aside. Does having it panned hard left with the "lo-fi" filter on it work? Or is the one aside thrown in at the end confusing--pretend you never read the prose piece, maybe... |
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avaughan:
Yummy, mike. Reminds me a little of Godspeed You Black Emporer (dead flag blues, I suppose) but in a peppier way. It ain't synth-pop, that's right. I barely caught the guitar at the end as well - I might like the symmetry of moving to just guitar at the end (say, reinstating it when the second voice comes in) or perhaps just guitar with the second voice and violin again (a different motive) when the first voice comes in again. Also, you seem to start paragraphs with a simultaneous pause in violin and voice; I'm not sure this works more than once or possibly twice, as it's a repetitive Halt. More in a bit; my laptop is dying a sad death right now. I do really like it. |
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sprice:
Mike, I got goosebumps listening to this. That's always a good sign. |
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j_moody:
even better with music. i second all the emotions expressed above. i've always been partial to a good fiddle tune myself...now you just need to open for Tom Waits or Gillian Welch or the Tin Hat Trio or sumthin' like that. |
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