All the ugly girls want to be in Playboy.
And maybe we should let 'em.
Because there's always someone who'll find 'em pretty.
We'll just put all of them out there, stark naked, a thousand-page catalog of awkward flesh and bony juts, and whoever can look at them and get a certain stirring can send in pictures of himself naked, and maybe he'll be butt-ugly too, but maybe she won't think that, and there'll be an ugly love connection made.
Even the girl with the most misshapen, tiny tits, cottage-cheese thighs, weed-whacker hair, thin lips, with zits on her face and black hairs on her ass, someone's gonna look at something on her, maybe her nose, and think that she's at least a little bit pretty.
But me, I'm not the one to do it.
I think they're all pretty.
Until they open their mouths.
And then some of them are more pretty and some of them just get ugly.
All the pretty girls think it's degrading to pose for Playboy, maybe because they're offended they haven't been asked yet, or maybe because they've been hit on a few too many times, and I can understand that attitude.
But there's nothing prettier than a pretty girl who don't know she's pretty, or who knows and don't care.
And I have never looked at a girl in Playboy and fallen in love, and I would like to someday.
And I guess that there have been a number of pretty girls who have posed for Playboy, but I bet they all thought it was degrading, and if they didn't, that's just because they were too stupid to know it was degrading, because it is degrading--but it's pretty cool, too.
I want a girl like Patti Smith, who thinks posing for Playboy is cool.
I want a girl who will love me for my big, ugly gut.
I kind of want to stop thinking every girl is pretty, because it makes it hard to walk around on sunny days, you know what I mean?
I want to kiss every ugly girl I see, and take them on romantic dates, and find some pretty boy and zap them with a special plasma gun that lets him see how pretty the girl is, to see how she gets prettier when she laughs, or smiles, or lights up a cigarette.
I've got a girl like all that, a very pretty girl, and I just want to go to sleep next to her, but I can't, so I'll play my guitar and wait some more, and write songs about pretty girls.
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Content © copyright 2003 by M. Lewis Barthel. All rights reserved.