6 Ways to Look at a Scar

poetry by lizzy
04 February 2003
8 comments

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1.

 
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still tender, a brick-red reminder

 
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of pains past

 
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throbbing even now

 
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under the neon smiley face Band-Aid

 

eppy: This line kind of breaks tone with the rest of the stanza, but maybe that's OK. Just wanted to point it out.

lizzy: Which is precisely the point.

eppy: Well, I guess I was trying to say that you could have contrasting images without using the word "smiley," which seems to undercut the tone.

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you put over it.

 
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2.

 
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softer, paler, stronger, deeper

 
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life runs thicker through the veins

 
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that feed it

 
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bringing that life back to your heart

 
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along with the pain

 
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for all you feel

 

eppy: This could be a good sentiment, but as presented here it seems somewhat glib / angsty.

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that you have ever felt

 
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is the pain.

 
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3.

 
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you wear long sleeves

 
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unable or unwilling to face me

 
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when I ask why

 
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why you do so in August.

 

eppy: Give this image a little more room to breathe--showdon'ttell, maybe something more like "sleeves covering a..."

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4.

 
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you show it to everybody

 
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eager for them to ask

 
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how it came to be part of you

 
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and all you can say is

 
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the other guy came out worse.

 
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5.

 
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you return from the doctor

 
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he said he's sorry,

 
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he can't do anything for you,

 
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you should get used to it.

 
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not good enough, you say

 
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and you return to the phone book

 
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looking for someone to help you

 
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you look a long time.

 

eppy: Ooh, this line's hitting it way too hard. The rest of the stanza comes through well, but this line is snotty and superior, lacking the more sympathetic sadness that seems to run through the rest of the poem.

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6.

 
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you look at it

 
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seeing only the memory

 
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reliving its creation

 
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unaware that the skin itself

 
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has long ago healed.

 

eppy: Very nice ending.

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lizzy: Well, eppy, I've been looking at your comments and have revised. I'll post the revisions sometime (it's tech week for the play I'm in now, so it may not be soon). I'm still not touching the first stanza, or the last. The image of the Band-Aid is what inspired me.

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