j_moody: I might take "cascading" out-- less is more, and all, y''know. It interrupts the flow between "falling" and "down".

brantley: this line sticks out as being a little too verbose and prosaic compared to the rest of the lines, which are very simple, economic, or image-rich

j_moody: maybe cut off the "my importance" ?

j_moody: is there imagery you could use to communicate this quality of "pretending" without just saying "pretending". an image or two (metaphor, analogy, simile) could give an impression of what you mean that is simultaneously more exact and more indirect (concealing and revealing at once). could be more effective.

j_moody: the echoing of this line works well

j_moody: the imagery of the size-thirteens seems very real to me-- well done.

j_moody: the "gnashing" quality of the words here is good too ("hulking size thirteen silhouettes" )

j_moody: setting off "crushed" inserts a nice little pause into the cadence of the poem, i like that.