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That’s why Greg keeps Tofu in his pockets at all times. --Josh
 

Some people have six-packs. You and I just have kegs. --Josh
 

Creativity. It fosters shit. --Greg
 

Chris, will you grab the other end of this girl? --Greg
 

Sometimes a pair of intertwined bananas is just a pair of intertwined bananas. --Josh
 

I’ve got to pick up Chris. He’s in jail. He was arrested for impersonating a Californian. --Greg
 

I’ve got paper cuts on my dick from reading Homer. --Greg
 

What’s that, Lassie? Is Timmy tied to the bed?! --Wayne
 

We [Greg and Josh] represent the heathenist majority. --Graaaaag
 

Yeah, we’ll sit in the back of the class and sodomize each other. --Wayne It all comes back to sodomy. --Wayne
 

?: Don’t you know white men can’t jump? Scott: most white men haven’t trained with rabbits for several years.
 

Wow, that was even better in 3-D inebrio-vision! --Scott, wearing everyone’s glasses
 

[regarding Samira’s drunkeness:]___________________________ Martin Luther would be upset. --Samira
 

But Prof. Duplessy would be upset! --Samira
 

Josh, make it okay. --Samira
 

Liz, , make it okay. --Samira
 

Wayne, make it okay. --Samira
 

Chris, make it okay. --Samira
 

Alastair won’t make it okay, he’ll just make it all confusing. --Samira ___________________________________________________
 

Samira: So I was talking about the restaurant/brothel... ...Chris: What, it’s eat in/eat out?
 

Do you know what would happen if that 900 million dollars appeared in my account? I’d treat you all to life! Life! On me! --Chris
 

They didn’t tell me in the college brochure that all my friends would be assholes. --Chris
 

You can’t be self-righteous lying on your boyfriend’s bed in yellow pants. --Massey
 

Uh, Greg, the floor is on fire. You might want to get that. --Alastair
 

Granted, at this point if she’s dead, she’s fucking dead. --Wayne
 

By the way, how are your mothers? --Samira
 

This sounds like a bad pick-up line, but "you should feel the inside." --Sierra
 

I need a new major. --Samira ...Hey, you can have mine! --Alecia ...Yeah, but Econ has numbers in it. --Samira ...But there’s only 10 numbers, whereas there’s 26 letters in all of English Lit. --Chris
 

Everything ends up down Samira’s bra. --Chris ...Yeah, bicycle pumps, chihuahuas, professors... --Wayne ...Will someone defend my honor?! Only three things end up in my bra: Alastair’s glasses, money, and a dagger! --Samira
 

Only if you want to, Scott. Don’t go down on my account. --Chip (so that’s what you call it...)
 

It’s called statutory if it’s found out. --Chuck
 

And me, the candy-intestined animal. --Chip